Thursday, December 2, 2010

Intestinal Fortitude

So the last of the day job paychecks has come and gone. I'm kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop. But nothing tragic is happening yet. No huge bills left unpaid, no bank account with zero money. I can't help thinking the day will come though. Perhaps it's just a part of being your own boss. The stressors are definitely not what they were at a day job. No fear of the mundane. No dread of the endless red tape. No sadness in the face of the day to day. But rest assured that there is still stress. Did I make the right choice? Can I succeed? Am I good enough? Am I worthy of a blessed life? Is this fair to my loved ones? Will this ever feel comfortable? Damn gremlins.

But, you get up every morning, kiss your baby goodbye at daycare and you work your ass off all day so there is no question that you are giving it your all. You remember that your husband did support you when the time came to make that critical decision to jump. You remember that your son will draw from this that life involves risks and intestinal fortitude and success and failure, but most importantly he will learn that life is made up of the choices we make.

And you look forward to the day, be he 25 or 52, that he realizes that what he wanted to be when was just 10 years old is quite possibly the best thing he will ever be.

I wanted to draw.

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